Over the years, the expectations I established for myself have continually evolved. This is true for all things from managing daily living to personal and occupational ambitions. I have learned that reshaping and resetting goals are processes that must happen with each stage in life. New situations require constant reassessment of what is important to pursue.
When I was in my mid-years and newly single, I focused on achieving stability with enough money so that I wouldn’t be poor and isolated when I was old. Fortunately, I was able to develop and put into practice plans to make this happen. It worked. I have a nice place to live, good food on the table (mostly homemade), lunches with friends or family, and good times at concerts, movies, and live HD opera.
When, in my sixties, I discovered that I could write – essays and books – it was a big surprise. It gave me something new to think about. However, my goals weren’t always realistic. As I began my first manuscript, my friend and mentor asked me who my audience was. I said ‘everybody.’ “No!” he replied emphatically. “It’s not everybody. It’s the people who may be interested in what you write. Who are they?” His observation and question forced me to consider who would possibly read my words. This was my initial foray into clarifying the purpose for my writings. Over the years, I have gotten pretty good at figuring this out. Being clear about potential readers has eliminated a lot of angst about ‘audience’ and forced me to set doable goals.
My most recent, and perhaps the most significant decision around this matter had to do with my last publication “South Providence Girls: A Clique in Time (April 2023.)” As I was struggling with format and content, my wonderful editor said to me, “How many books do you want to sell? If you want to sell a lot of books you have to write for a broad group and be very clear what your message is. If you want to sell a few books, you can do whatever you want!”
I didn’t have to think much and almost immediately said I wanted to sell a few. What a relief. I made a list of who would care, made a quick calculation, and decided to aim for one hundred. That number represented the women who were the story’s subjects (including me), our families, and a few friends. Voila! It made it so easy. By knowing who would be interested, I could zero in on them and intimately tell our tale. No need for time consuming and expensive publicity, no need to guess how many books to order – no wasted, unsold volumes.
Ultimately, I sold about one hundred and fifteen books. Not only did I meet my goals, I exceeded them! Everyone who wanted to read it did and I knew most of them.
This episode led me to the freeing concept of setting low expectations. If I aim lower, I will not be disappointed and know I’ll be able to celebrate an achievement. This attitude does not, in any way, diminish the significance of the book and the pride I have for accomplishing something meaningful. My deep satisfaction comes when I’m told how much my writing resonates with an individual reader. It’s not about the quantity of sales, but the positive reaction of a modest but very enthusiastic audience.
Thoughtful and honest.
Thanks! Always love your comments!
Yes, a good way to lower stress. At the same time, it’s good to be ambitious.
Absolutely! Having ambitions is essential. For me it is a matter of making those ambitions realistic!
You always have something relevant to say to me. You are a trailblazer in recounting the journey of life’s changes. Thank you.
Thanks Barbara. I am finding that with the passage of time, I am much more aware of the changes we experience. These result in a constant shifting of hopes and expectations
Marian, your pragmatic approach to
life, as circumstances change and aging demands, is admirable.
Thank you for sharing the insightful adjustments that you found practical to be successful.
It’s a helpful roadmap for coping
effectively!
Thanks Ellie, I keep learning that constantly making adjustments is a comforting thing to do.
Wonderful piece. Happy and healthy new year
.Anneta
Thanks! Hope your New Year is happy and peaceful!
Marian: I really liked this piece!! Mostly because it is so well written, as all your essays are. In addition, managing expectations and knowing one’s audience piqued my interest. I think I don’t often lower my expectations and end up being disappointed. So you can be my role model as I try to follow your advice. When I worked at FDA before I retired, I made many speeches within FDA and at external forums like conferences in the US and in other countries. Whenever I was invited to speak I asked who was the audience. This was crucial information that helped me tailor my remarks so they would be interesting and right on point regarding what the audience probably wanted and needed to hear from an FDA spokesperson.
Les, As you said, knowing your audience is the most important piece of information in order to know what to write or say. Keeping expectations low doesn’t mean having no goals, only that it is probably good that goals reflect some kind of reality.
I got a kick out of the opening cartoon re “people with little hairs on their toes!”
Actually I did not understand the cartoon! 😢 Please explain.
Les
Marian: what a profound and meaningful essay! I was always taught to aim high; therefore, I am frequently disappointed. In the future, I will try to be more realistic of my expectations. Thank you for your insight. Shana Tovah.