Many times when I bump into people in my building lobby, on a walk, or in a store, we ask each other, “How are you doing?”  We both say the same thing: “Hanging in there.” The other day, in just such an encounter with a neighbor and immediately after I had given that routine retort, I realized that this rote statement didn’t really say what my life was really like – much more complicated than the ‘hanging-in’  trope. So, even though I wasn’t sure what I meant, I quickly added to my reply by saying “it’s more than simply hanging in there.” “Yes,” she jumped in, “it’s about hanging in there and being happy, or, at least, trying to be happy.”

I’m not sure if happiness is exactly the right term, but it is a good stand-in for a perspective that goes beyond just plugging along under not great circumstances. The circumstances are, of course, the regular challenges of every-day living and overwhelmingly distressful world events. That neighborly exchange made me wonder if I could come up with a more nuanced reaction on the state of my spirit. My existence doesn’t feel as if I am simply getting along. I am actually quite pleased about where I am in my progression. I think this is due to ongoing fine-tuning of what is important to me and what is not. 

Starting with the not – or at least less important items – I work to identify these and set them at a slight distance. It’s not that some of these are unimportant, only that I know whatever I do to address them will have limited impact. Our country has been divided and troubled in recent years, although the nomination of Kamala Harris pulsates with a message of joyous hope. To this encouraging movement, I can give only a few dollars, but enough to allow me to believe I am contributing in a small way. 

On the ‘important’ side, I have decided to focus on a restricted number of efforts that results in some sense of accomplishment and pleasure. In broad brush these are writing, connectedness, and family. Completing, posting, and getting encouraging feedback on one of my articles affirms that I am reaching readers a meaningful way. Having lunch with old friends, reconnecting with someone I haven’t talked to in many decades, or hosting an event for a local political candidate connotes participation in a larger world. Holiday celebrations with family and special catch-up moments with grandkids allows for a mutual sharing of life’s happenings at whatever point in the process we happen to be.  

It’s not that I have totally abandoned or don’t care about broad, world or national troubles. I am horrified by the suffering that many are experiencing. Unfortunately, although I am distressed by these miseries, my potential responses are inescapably restricted. I feel some guilt about acknowledging this deduction, but I am trying to be at peace with my constraints and not allowing futility to permeate my being. 

So, I concentrate on those three smaller, personal things that are gratifying and which provide reassuring constancy. From them I can maintain a steady stream of low-keyed happiness as I hang in there every day.