A connection started tentatively within a circle of young girls. It ended up enduring through time.
A couple of months ago, I published my fifth book, South Providence Girls: A Clique in Time. In the early 1950s, a group of thirteen pre-teens (of which I am one) coalesced. We dubbed ourselves The Junior Debs. This lofty sounding title was totally inconsistent with our very modest backgrounds. None of us can confidently affirm the reasoning behind the name, but tenuously acknowledge that it was a bit of a put-on: we knew we could never be or wanted to be debutantes so we jokingly fabricated our own version. We were perfectly happy developing a status in which we felt at home. As eleven-year-olds, we had no idea we were creating an identity that would last for more than seven decades. Eight “Debs” (now, of course, women) are still alive and, in 2023, are eighty-five. We stay indisputably intertwined even though we are scattered around the country – New England to California; Florida to the mid- and south-west.
I began to think about writing down the hows and whats of the Debs about ten years ago. Over that span, I did a lot of research about us and our milieu, but couldn’t conjure up what the primary message should be. I took me a long time to figure that out. I felt some pressure. The Debs were excited about reading their own history, family members couldn’t wait to learn about the “girls,” and the place, era, and culture in which we grew up. Friends would comment on how unusual to retain long-ago friendships over such an extended period. I now realize that I needed additional living to clarify the key message. The journey through aging made me appreciate the power and importance of holding on to personal connections.
An interesting thing about the Debs is that once we graduated from high school, we didn’t endure as a group. Individuals kept in touch, but there was no attempt to stay together. That changed in 1988 when we were all turning fifty. Prompted by one of us, we decided to jointly celebrate our birthdays. We held a reunion and something quite mystical happened. We erased the passage of time. Without effort or awkwardness, we resumed familiar, intimate dialogue as it had been early on. Of course, we gave updates, but the bond itself didn’t need an update. It felt deep-rooted, natural, and unshakeable. That first reunion reestablished and resolidified us. It made clear our desire to perpetuate our ancient bonding. We went on to have get-togethers every few years so we could continue to share news and support each other through the inevitable consequences of getting older.
This story is not about nostalgia. It’s about knowing what helps drive us to keep moving forward. In this instance, it is the preservation of our bond. Staying connected doesn’t happen on its own. It requires energy to make sure that this precious attachment doesn’t disappear. Now, even with travel and health barriers, we gather. Fortunately, we have made it to the Zoom-technology era which allows us do it more frequently and easily without leaving home.
Loved hearing about the Debs. I have been part of a group of women since the 1980’s which came together because we were trying to sort out how to be Jewish and feminist in that era. We were mostly in our 20’s and 30’s but had some members in their “very old” 50’s and 60’s. We are still meeting today. Many of us are in our 60’s-80’s now, but a few years ago we decided that if we wanted the group to keep going, we had to invite new, younger, diverse members. It’s working and very exciting. Who could have imagined we would still be getting together once a year on Memorial Day weekend for 5 days 43 years later!!
Fantastic encapsulation of years of friendship. I envy your gift of meaningful writing
This is a wonderful history. Connections are so important — and life-long ones especially so. How great to be able to share the many feelings and experiences through the many years.
Hi Marian,
Sounds like an interesting book to sit and read with a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Looking forward to reading it.
Beautiful! How fortunate you are to have such a devoted group – and how wise to have made the effort to make it happen.
Once again, Marian shares her life experiences. Knowing Marian and valuing her friendship, it is no surprise to me that her friendships last forever. This is a wonderful story and I felt I lived part of it. A testament to friendship and to Marian, a prolific writer and wonderful person. Thanks for sharing.
Your words are so true. Maintaining long time friendships take effort but there is nothing like friends who knew you, your family, where you lived, etc. These connections are unique! Thank you for reminding us!
Your words spoke to me as I feel that long time friendships are truly unique and wonderful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a beautiful way.
Wonderful memories. Even though I was not one of the “Debs”, I feel connected to them as I went all through school with most of them. Marian, you truly have a gift.