I think a lot about what it is like to get older – even old! I can’t and don’t want to stop musing about this phenomenon. I can’t avoid it because it is occurring all around me with friends, family, and, of course, myself. I could ignore this progression, but trying to deny it feels a bit dishonest and  unrealistic. It will continue on its inexorable path whether I or others like it or not. 

When I talk with other ‘agers’ I hear the anxiety they feel about aging: “What is going on with me – this condition, this pain, this fatigue? Why is this happening? My doctor(s) tell me different ways to deal with it? I don’t know what to do. This never happened to me before.”

During a recent conversation, I suddenly realized that we ‘agers’ don’t know what to do because (duh!) we have never done it before. Throughout our life stages there have usually been people with practical, hands-on experience to guide us. In childhood, for example, we learn from parents, siblings, cousins, friends. Often someone can help when we scrape a knee or bomb on a test. In young adulthood, there are lots of ways to find practical information on tracks to take into the future. As slightly older adults we find cadres of people who are working, developing relationships, having children, and managing budgets – just like us. Lots of resources are out there for retirement planning. We can look back on those years and gather insights simply by observing what we did when a decision or action was needed. This kind of reflection helps to clarify who we are and what is important to us.

Now, we are going through another phase, one which we have never gone through before. Of course we get confused and a little frightened. Never before, have we gotten ‘old.’

This idea brings me to the second part of my statement that I don’t want to stop thinking about it. I prefer to keep reflecting, but in a positive way. Often-used statements like, “Getting old is not for sissies,” annoy me. It suggests that, unless you are impossibly brave you will have a terrible time getting old. I prefer to manage symptoms of aging by making it as good as it can be – given personal circumstances. Yes, health and other providers can assist with certain aspects of aging. But there is all of the stuff in-between – the rest of our lives – every day. I can only share my resolutions. You will decide what works for you.

I’ve decided that that it is OK to be confused about aging. It’s natural because I have no  proficiency in it. I will not consider myself a ‘sissy’ simply because I am naïve and inexperienced. Having acknowledged this, I am liberated to create a meaningful path forward.  I thought hard on what I’ve learned about myself based on years of living. I have clarified what are the most important things in my life. Prominent, is staying connected to family, old friends, and making new friends. Almost as important, is to keep my body moving. This is tricky because certain parts don’t work as well as they used to, but I try to do what my body will allow and not chastise myself if can’t do more. I identify political and social issues that I care about and what to do to make a positive impact. I’m working on this but it’s not simple. I can’t participate in marches (balance isn’t great). I can’t write post cards (small motor coordination in my dominant hand is compromised). Probably the most important thing for me is to keep my mind active. I am concentrating greatly on that – researching topics, talking to people, and then spilling out what’s in my head.  Fortunately, I can still type.

Like you, I have never gotten old before. I work hard to elude despair, understand the bewilderment of aging, and find ways to learn and grow from each day of new knowledge.